So, I never really realized how difficult it would be to do a blog.
Here's why:
1- taking the time to sit down and write
2- thinking about something to say
3- examining my heart, who I am...etc. (that's the really hard part!)
So, why do I find this so hard....let me tell you.
I come from a generation of women who were basically told that to be a stay at home mom was essentially to be a failure. Not being one who can accept failure, I threw myself completely into the job! And I have loved every second of it...well maybe not every second, but you get my point. So now, here I am...I have successfully gotten 2 of my 4 children to official "A" dulthood!! My husbands favorite saying of late "2 down, 2 to go!"
Now. I just told you that I threw myself completely into my job of being a full time mommy...at the detriment of me! I sit sometimes and read other womens blogs and am so impressed at who they are and how much they know about themselves. I'm envious.
Who am I? This question was asked in a psychology class I took a few years ago. Of course my answer was...I'm James' wife, the kids mom, a Christian...etc.
Then the question was asked again..."who am I" and the only stipulation was that you couldn't describe yourself as being identified with another person...or with your job, etc. I couldn't answer the question! The more I thought about it, the harder it was.
I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am who I am BECAUSE of who I am associated with and what I do. And there is nothing wrong with that at all.
But does anyone really want to read about me, being a wife, a mother, a student, a Christian?
I don't know...and I suppose I shouldn't care...perhaps the reason to have a blog should only be for me...but then why not just journal? (I'm not any good at journaling either!!)
I don't know...
I don't know if anyone really reads this anyway.
So there you have it...a struggle I am having...trying to identify myself as me...and write about it.
I'll do my best to keep this more up to date.... but I must confess that my responsibilities of being a wife, a mother, a student, and a Christian will have to come first. After all, that's who I am right now!!
4 comments:
well you are my very best friend if that helps!! and i thank you for choosing the "failure" route to stay home with us! I wouldn't be who i am today with out you!!
YEA YOU ARE COMING TO VISIT TOMORROW!!!
I know we're in different seasons of our lives but I've struggled with that a lot. It's getting better though and I think blogging has played a big role in that. It's really helped me to sort some stuff out. It's also good to have the accountability of having to "keep it real" which is what I think you've done tonight.
I really admire you for going back to school and for tackling this new period with honesty. I know your family is blessed to have you:)
P.S. Have a great trip and give that girl of yours a big hug for me!
There was a song in the musical I did Freshman year, Working. It was called Just A Housewife.
"Now a days all the magazines make a bunch of beans out of family life. Your a whiz if you go to work but you're just a jerk if you say you won't. Women's 'Lib' say they think 'It's Fine' that the choice is mine, but you know they don't! That I do what I chose to do maybe dumb to you but it's not to me. Is it dumb that they need me there, is it dumb to care cause I do you see! And I mean, did they ever think, really stop and think what a job it was, doing all the things, that a housewife does!"
I'm so thankful for your choice to put your life on hold for 20+ years so that us kids can have a life. And the real journey is just beginning. Embrace the chance to get to know yourself. How exciting! I LOVE YOU SOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!
Well, my baby sister said it much better than I could write it, so ditto the comment above. I'm so glad that you're finally blogging. :)
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